Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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