I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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