Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
