I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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