your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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