Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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