he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
