I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
