Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
