Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
