i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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