i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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