i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
