Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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