It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
