cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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