His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
