you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
