Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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