Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
