You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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