So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
