You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
