my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
