God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
