My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
