there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
