i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Boobs speak an international language.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
