look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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