can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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