I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
