I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
