I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
