im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
