she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
a search helicopter?!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
