DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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