Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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