Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
