My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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