He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
