never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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