I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
