redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
