New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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