Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
