highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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