Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
