i was born a porn star she said
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
