the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
