Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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