you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
